Lonely without Language

For someone whose main skill is being able to talk to people, empathize with people, relate and joke with others and use humor in almost any situation, I feel utterly lost without the use of language.  Today I finally just kind of lost it and started bawling at the gym.  At times I am SO lonely not being able to talk to people.  At the coffee shop, where I usually might have a chat or a friendly exchange with the barista, now I can barely eek out my order.  At the laundromat last night, a nice looking man was sitting near me.  He started talking to me and when I tried to explain that I spoke very little Spanish, the conversation ended and we sat in silence.  I was ITCHING to chat with him, just have some human interaction, but the barrier that a lack of language creates is enormous.  I'm a people person (most of the time)...I thrive on interacting with people, sharing stories, telling jokes, etc.  Of course I have some of that with the lovely people I have met, but it's definitely not as much as I'm used to and there is most certainly a little void right now.  Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I take a workout class.  The same people go to every class and they seem so funny and nice.  They constantly joke and howl with laughter (something Madrileños seem to be good at!  Ha!) and I feel so left out.  Of course I know they are not purposely leaving me out, but they don't speak English at all and my Spanish is so limited, so I just sit there smiling while they are all laughing and rattling off jokes and stories to each other.  I feel crippled, with a burning fire in my soul that just wants to rip out of my chest and scream I’M HERE!  I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!  I’m funny!  I’m nice!  I’m smart (kinda…at least in English! ha!)  Let’s be friends!!!  I was not prepared for this…how lonely it would leave me feeling.  So the tears finally spilled today.  I was naive to think I could just plunk myself down in a foreign city without any knowledge of the language, and be able to cope on a daily basis.  Most days I am strong and able to manage.  Most days I thank my lucky stars that I am experiencing something so magnificent.  But a journey like this does not come without days that are hard, that have you questioning everything.  No, it’s not "wake up every day and go to work" hard.  It’s not "mother of three kids" hard.  But there are times that it’s lonely and confusing and each and every single day there is something new and challenging and foreign.  Anyway, I could just be totally hormonal today.  Or maybe I’m a little down because I had four days off from exercise.  And exercise has become a true necessity in my life…to feel good and healthy and balanced.  I was back at the gym today after four days and very happy to be there, although completely distraught with emotion.  I could barely breathe through my dance class.  Well…that’s per usual, but today it was worse due to the big lump in my throat. Ha!  

And now for the silver lining.  I know that through this loneliness, in this feeling of being stripped of my tools and my skills, I will inevitably grow to be better, stronger, perhaps more compassionate when a situation is reversed and there is someone else who feels as lost as I do now.  I'm also more motivated than ever to learn Spanish. Necesito practicar mucho!! I think back to a blog I wrote before leaving the states.  Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Oh how I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, today it feels like I'm painfully far outside the line.